OH PLEASE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FREAKING FANGIRLS I HAVE? MOST PEOPLE SHIP YOU WITH JOHN. GO AND FILL A BUCKET.

YES, I SHALL BE BACK TO TROLL YOU SOON... (:<B GOODNIGHT, HUMAN.

I AM INDEED BACK, STRIDER. I MADE SURE TO TELL JOHN YOU FEEL FLUSHED FOR HIM. HAVE FUN EXPLAINING!

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT HE THINKS THAT YOU DO NOW. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE CONVERSATION YOU PINK MONKEYS HAVE. (:B

AW, YOU'RE BREAKING HIS HEART, STRIDER. GOOD THING I DON'T COME OVER THERE AND DO IT FOR YOU.

I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE, BULGELICK.

YOU'RE LOSING YOUR "COOL KID" ATTITUDE, STRIDER. AS THE SONG GOES, "EVEN EGBERT WANTS A PIECE OF ME".

SO NOW WE'RE FIGHTING OVER JOHN? PLEASE. I HAVE CAPTOR AND HE'S ENOUGH OF A GRUBMUNCHER TO FILL MY MATESPRITSHIP AND MY KISMESTITUDE.

ER, YES... LOOK, DOES IT MATTER WHAT MY QUADRANTS ARE?

SHUT IT, STRIDER. TROLLS DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT KIND OF STUFF. IT'S STUPID WHY HUMANS DO.

(Oh no worries. :3 You got Dave's personality perfect.)

OH, YOU'RE SO NICE, DAVE. NOTICE THE SUCCESSFUL USE OF HUMAN SARCASM.

HMM, I KNOW JUST THE THING TO SAY TO GET UNDER YOUR SKIN, DAVE. DON'T SAY YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS. AHEM, EVEN AS IT DOES NOT MATTER TO YOU, I FEEL THE NEED TO SHARE THAT CAPTOR AND I HAVE HAD GRUBS RECENTLY. BOOM. THERE YA GO, NOOKSUCKER.

YOU ACTUALLY SHOW SOME COMPASSION. STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE END OF YOUR WORLD AGAIN. I'M ACTUALLY VERY HAPPY TO HAVE THEM HERE, EVEN IF I AM A TERRIBLE LUSUS.

NO, IT IS NOT. I SHALL TROLL YOU TOMORROW. GOODBYE.

I CAN SEE WHY MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU, STRIDER. YOU'RE VERY UNACCEPTING OF MY KIND.

IF EVERYBODY HATED ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE A MATESPRIT. I'M NOT FREAKING AMPORA.

DON'T FEEL BAD, DUDE. YOU HAVE HARLEY. (:B

WHATEVER. YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. I MUST GO FOR A BIT, BUT I SHALL BE BACK...

WHAT?! NO! I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THAT, STRIDER.

WELL, YOU ARE JUST A WONDERFUL PIECE OF TALKING FLESH, STRIDER. UGH.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FREAKING SAY?

NO FREAKING WAY. WHAT IF I DON'T?

*grumbles and curses at him*

FINE. "OH, I WISH I WAS LIKE DAVE. HE'S SO COOL." CULL ME NOW PLEASE.

YEAH, WHATEVER.

YOU'RE GONNA DESTROY MY MATESPRITSHIP? HARSH, MAN...

YOU'RE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT, DAVE.

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T TELL CAPTOR, I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

OH GOG, WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND? *SIGHS*

SPIT IT OUT, STRIDER, SO I CAN GET IT OVER WITH. AND IF IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH BUCKETS, FORGET IT.

WAIT... WITH WHO? NEVERMIND, FORGET I ASKED THAT. GOODBYE, STRIDER.

HMM? AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE, DAVE?

I UTTERLY HATE YOU, STRIDER... JUST GET OPTION 3 OVER WITH BECAUSE YOU KNOW FOR A FACT I CAN'T BE NICE TO EVERYONE FOR A WEEK AND I ALREADY GAVE YOU ONE SECRET TO BLACKMAIL ME FOR.

ARE YOU FREAKING HEADING TOWARDS A KISMESISTUDE?! WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?! HUMANS ARE SO CONFUSING!

WHAT?! NO WAY, YOU ARE NOT TAPEING ME! FORGET IT! *slaps the camera away* GO AHEAD AND TELL CAPTOR. I DON'T CARE.

OF COURSE I DO, BUT MAYBE SOLLUX WILL FORGIVE ME FOR THIS. JUST GO AHEAD, STRIDER. RUIN MY ALREADY DEADBEAT LIFE.

YOU ACTUALLY THINK I CARE? TROLLS DON'T HAVE THE SAME SYSTEM OF "LOVE" AS HUMANS DO. SO WHEN I SAID THAT, I MEANT IT... BUT YOU OFFERED, SO,...

OKAY, OKAY. I'M SORRY, ALRIGHT? I'LL BE NICER, I PROMISE... IF IT MAKES YOUR LITTLE THINKPAN HAPPY, I ACTUALLY DO LOOK UP TO YOU. JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE...

*grumbles to himself and flops down on Dave's couch* YEAH, ALRIGHT, MR. "COOL KID"...

*rolls eyes* PLEASE. I'M COOLER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, BULGELICK.

HMM... BET YOU'RE NOT SO COOL WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES. *reaches towards Dave's shades*

HOW THE HECK DO YOU EVEN SEE? IT'S SO FREAKING DARK IN HERE. JUST TAKE OFF YOUR DANG SHADES, MAN. WANNA PUT ON A ROMCOM OR SOMETHING?

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING HERE, DAVE? I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO CAPTOR'S ANYWAY.

YOUR EYES ARE RED, MAN. IS THAT FREAKING NORMAL FOR YOUR SPECIES?

WHATEVER. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW ANYWAY. SEE YA...